California parents who are divorcing may consider many different options when it comes to child custody arrangements. One option is bird nesting, sometimes also called nesting.
In a bird nesting situation, the children stay always living in the marital home while each parent takes turns living in the home. The purpose of bird nesting is to shield children from the stress, trauma and uncertainty that often comes with moving to a new home and adjusting to a new environment.
Bird nesting may seem like an ideal option but it is not for everyone. As with any solution, there are advantages and disadvantages to a bird nesting arrangement. Both must be considered before you decide if it is right for you.
Advantages to bird nesting
Stability and consistency are one of the biggest benefits to bird nesting. As mentioned above, keeping the children in the same household helps maintain a consistent environment for them during the upheaval of divorce.
Keeping children in the same household can prevent some of the emotional distress that often results from divorce. Bird nesting minimizes disruptions to children’s daily routines and schedules and prevents them from having to adapt to the routines of two different households.
Additionally, bird nesting typically requires parents to communicate, work together and co-parent more than a traditional custody arrangement. This can mean a co-parenting relationship that grows deeper over time.
Disadvantages to bird nesting
Despite these potential advantages, bird nesting comes with some disadvantages that you must consider.
Since bird nesting requires a higher level of communication and co-parenting, you must be able to do this effectively. Some situations, such as situations involving domestic violence, may not be the best for bird nesting arrangements.
Communication must be respectful, polite and cooperative. If you and your spouse cannot communicate with each other, even through written means such as text, without resorting to name-calling, harassment or abusive language, bird nesting might not work.
Financial implications
One of the biggest practical drawbacks to bird nesting is financial burden. Bird nesting requires parents to keep up three households: the marital residence and a separate residence for each of them.
Even if you and your spouse are financially stable, you might not be able to afford to keep paying a mortgage and utilities on the marital residence as well as the expenses for your own separate residence.
Do not choose a bird nesting arrangement unless you are certain you can comfortably afford to pay for two households. Otherwise, the financial strain could mean you must ultimately sell the marital residence anyway, defeating the purpose of bird nesting.
Logistical considerations
Bird nesting also comes with significant logistical challenges. Along with paying for two residences, you must live between two residences. Bird nesting might work if your children are older and will be adults in a few years, but it is not always a practical option if your children are younger.
Although you should keep your children’s best interests in mind, you should not ignore your own needs and desires. Couples divorce because they no longer want their lives connected to each other’s. If you are regularly going back into your marital residence, this could prevent you from moving forward with your own life.
Give yourself time to carefully consider all potential implications of bird nesting before you commit to this type of arrangement.
