There is a widespread myth that once a child hits a certain age, they can choose their custodial parent. If you are a parent facing divorce or custody modification, it is natural to feel anxious and wonder how much power your child has over a court order. In California, children under 18 cannot choose their own custody schedule as the court still makes the final decision.
However, state laws acknowledge that as children grow up, their needs and perspectives change and deserve meaningful consideration. Understanding how courts may view your older child’s wishes is vital to respecting them while still protecting your family.
Your child’s right to be heard
In California, courts need to listen to children if they are old enough to express a preference about custody and visitation. In fact, children 14 and older must be permitted to speak to the court directly, unless it is detrimental to them.
However, your child’s wants do not automatically dictate the final decision. While judges consider their input, the child’s best interests will always be the priority, even if it contradicts what they prefer.
The judge’s evaluation process
When your child is addressing the court, the judge needs to analyze if they are speaking from a place of honest and intelligent preference or not. The courts look for mature reasoning, like preferring to stay with one parent during the week because of proximity to their school and sports activities.
Alternately, the judge also carefully listens for potential signs of parental alienation or coaching. If the child’s reasoning involves one parent spoiling them more than the other, or if it sounds scripted, the judge may decide against those wishes when finalizing the court order.
Different ways your child may testify in court
Contrary to popular belief, your child will not take a traditional witness stand to face aggressive cross-examination. While children generally cannot testify in front of their parents, courts employ different methods to protect their mental health and ensure their safety.
One way is through an in-chambers interview, where the child speaks privately with the judge with only a court reporter or lawyers present. Your child may also express their wishes to a mediator who reports to the judge. The court may also appoint a dedicated lawyer to serve as your child’s counsel when representing their specific preferences during legal proceedings.
Crucial actions parents can take
If your child is expressing a strong desire to change their current living situation, it is best to listen to them and validate their feelings. However, reminding them that the final decision is still up to the judge can also help them realistically manage their expectations.